Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
whose parrot is this?
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
