Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
