ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
