Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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