I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
