Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
