So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
