I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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