Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
That reminds me...we need to get swords
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
