I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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