i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
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