Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
