dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
