I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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