I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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