wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
You can't special order awesome
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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