I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
