just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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