I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
what day is it and did you see me today?
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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