You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize