Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
