3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
