I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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