3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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