she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize