Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
