It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
