Kareoke will never be a sober sport
We named our party play list daddy issues
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
