i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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