Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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