I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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