there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Randomize
