R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
