Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
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