Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize