apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
