suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
