these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
