I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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