found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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