Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
