all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
