All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
there is puke in my bra ... again
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
