Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
