That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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