There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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