Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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