There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
There r osticjed everywhere
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Randomize
