Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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