just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
My liver is preforming stress tests.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
