I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
i need to put some appletini on your dick
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Randomize
