her vagine was all disorganized.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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