Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
