and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize