There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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