I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
My penis needs a shock collar
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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