New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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