I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
