remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
