She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
