she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
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