RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
