And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
