piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
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