Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
