I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Randomize
