we should wear snuggies to the strip club
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize