Have you finally orgasmed yet?
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
fuck your aforementioned shoe
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
