Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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