walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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