New invention idea: vibrating tampons
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
